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SlimVirgin

From Wikitruth

[edit] Detective SlimVirgin, Internet Sleuth

Sorry, all tied up at the moment.

Even though nobody will know what a Wiki is in 100 years, chances are the then-miniscule gigabytes of data will be bouncing around somewhere, perhaps in some crappy "best of the last century" compilation or as a bonus file in a Cracker-Jack box. If so, chances are that someone will pop the data into their Atari and browse around a bit, using whatever amazing quantum thingers they have in the future to analyze Wikipedia in seconds. It'll figure out the data format, blow through the correlations, and spit back a bunch of stuff to read. As this person sips on their tequila and considers the output, it's likely two big conclusions will come to mind:

"Man, that Jimbo guy really thought he was the king of the world."
"What the hell was up with this SlimVirgin?"

Ah, yes. SlimVirgin. Chances are if you've done any amount of editing on Wikipedia for any amount of time, SlimVirgin has entered your life, either like a breath of fresh air, or like a SWAT team that transposed the numbers on the front of your house and think you've got a crack den and an arsenal. That's the best part; you can get both in the same conversation, and the same day.

There's a lot of speculation on who SlimVirgin is, and the difficulty/back-and-forth in determining said identity is extremely ironic, as we'll make clear. There's speculation she's a reporter, that she's currently living in the Great White North, and there's even speculation that she lost a close friend on Pan Am Flight 103. If so, bummer. SlimVirgin's unwillingness to be completely and totally open about who, what, or where she is is classic Wikipedian: hunt stuff down about people or places, but freak out if someone does the same to you.

But SlimVirgin's reluctance to go all "open source" in terms of personal details is specifically ironic because SlimVirgin is in fact the world's greatest internet detective.

[edit] It was Colonel Mustard in the Request for Arbitration with the Oversight

SlimVirgin is suspicious.

Not just suspicious, but super-duper suspicious, ferreting in all sorts of directions and in all sorts of ways. Accusations fly from her like daggers, occasionally hitting their mark and occasionally.... not. It's kind of like watching episodes of Columbo except in this case Columbo is not often right and in fact is somewhat retarded. This is SlimVirgin's theme song; a suspenseful organ telling you that the Great Detective is about to spring her trap upon you. You can hear it in tons of stuff SlimVirgin posts on Wikipedia. Check some of these out:

I'm only making the point that there's a hint of the pot calling the kettle black. He has furnished the public with an incomplete and unclear CV — which has led you to form the impression, for example, that he has a doctorate when he may not — but then he accuses others of having done the same, with great vitriol, as though it's a hanging offense. I know there are important differences between the two cases; I'm not suggesting complete parity. But I'm suggesting there's a distinct similarity.

From the Case of the PhD Qualifications

His editing pattern is reminiscient of Zephram Stark, which is why he was blocked, and some of his comments above confirm the connection. :-)

From the Case of the User Who Seemed to Edit Like Another User

Now, bear in mind: this sort of personality is vital to have around when you have a ton of information and facts and discussions and what-have-you. You need someone who is willing to ask the tough questions, make the tough demands, and insist that you are not what you say you are.

The problem is, you need that sort of personality to be beholden to somebody. But in Wikipedia's Whackypedian World, SlimVirgin can act on her gut hunches immediately. Oh, sure, you might go crying to arbitration (assuming your IP isn't blocked) and beg for forgivness, but it's SlimVirgin against you, and what are you? Certainly not one of the top 50 editors on Wikipedia! Begone!!

Then again, Wikipedia measures "top editors" by the amount of "edits", which includes talk pages. And SlimVirgin spends a lot of time in talk pages, because SlimVirgin generates a lot of talk. Idle talk. Angry talk. Yak yak yak, go the masses, because if you find your work undone and yourself accused of being a sockpuppet or a liar or any of a hundred other crimes, you're going to want to talk with SlimVirgin about her ability to be judge, jury, executioner and undertaker all in one fell swoop.

[edit] They Fight Crime!!!

This sort of work can't be done alone, of course.

SlimVirgin's administration buddy is Jayjg, who assists her in her crusades for Truth and Justice. Most important to this partner ship is Jayjg's oversight powers, which let him disappear stuff from the database quickly and easily. ^[1] Oh sure, that thing should only be used in dire emergencies... but really, come on, who can honestly resist. There's just so much messy discussion, debate, accusations and history that's lying around, like dust bunnies. Why not just clean it up?

As a result, SlimVirgin's user talk page has thousands of edits that have been deleted or swept under the rug. Have a little debate with her over something? Gee, can't seem to find a record of that! Guess you're wrong, silly arguing Wikipedian. SlimVirgin and Jayjg win to fight another day!

[edit] Big Mack Attack

If you edit enough, no doubt you'll find yourself on the wrong side of an episode of "SlimVirgin, she wrote." The thing to remember is, you can't currently win.

Don't despair. Well, OK, despair, but don't be surprised. The deck is stacked against you, as it is in many other places on Wikipedia, and SlimVirgin has all the aces. Actually, 11 of them. Do you know how hard it is to win against eleven-of-a-kind, aces?

Just remember Slim's own words of wisdom:

There has been no massive edit, just a copy edit... Whoa, you just reverted a couple of hours of copy editing.

From the Case of the Minor Edit that took Hours

Now that's a mystery!