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Brian Peppers Day
From Wikitruth
Ahh, we remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, it wasn't yesterday, it was nearly a year ago.
Wikipedia had an article on a little Internet phenomenon we called "Brian Peppers". Brian Peppers is a nice enough fellow who lives in a home in Ohio. At some point in his life, he had a lapse in judgement and touched someone inappropriately. Because of this, he got hauled down to the pokey, and was told not to do this again. However, due to the rules regarding people who commit crimes of a sexual nature, he had his photo taken and was put up on the Internet for all to see.
And see they did, because Brian is one ugly bastard.
Ugly enough to get people going "is that a puppet or a doll" or "man check out that lobotomy scar". Ugly enough for his image to be passed around from message board to message board. Ugly enough to, well, you get the picture; and we mean, you really get the picture. For a while, it was impossible to be on any web forum where more than two dozen sub-20-year-olds were active without getting a little peep at the Peppers.
Naturally, people got excited enough about all this to put it on Wikipedia. After all, this was the sum of all human knowledge, and if you're going to list all the ticker tape parades in New York City and where all the Guide Dog Schools are, what's a little harm in putting up information on this crazy bug-eyed guy who made such a splash on the ninnyweb?
Well, it turns out there was a lot of harm, to hear it from the chittering voices of squirrely reason that invaded the article. It kept being deleted, then recreated, then deleted again. Discussions were happening, voices were being raised, there was a roundabout chance of fisticuffs. But then, our own King Jimbo stepped in and made the following declaration:
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Spontaneously, incredibly, with no precendent, reason, or explanation, Wales blocked all access to the article, declared an arbitrary one-year moratorium of editing the Brian Peppers article, and then left it. That's it! Thank you, your highness, your loyal subjects really appreciated that.
Well, here we are, with Brian Peppers Day rapidly approaching, the day that Jimbo randomly declared it all right to edit, discuss and improve... well, wait a second. If you study what he said closely, he doesn't even say that's what's going to happen. All he says is we may discuss it again. Discuss it with who? With Jimbo? What possible evidence has Jimbo ever shown that he wants to discuss something once he's been done with it? How could anyone possibly think this is going to be a discussion as that word is normally thought of?
Well, friends, Brian Peppers Day is a rare holiday, a holiday that comes but once a year, when we celebrate all things Brian Peppers. When we take a pause in our editing, our infighting, our lyrical wankery to ask ourselves "What would Brian Peppers do?"
Therefore, we ask that all good readers of the Wikitruth not waste time trying to edit the Brian Peppers article. No way. Why play Jimbo's game, on Jimbo's court with Jimbo making final decision on the interpretation of Jimbo's rule? Why wait for him to say that "we can live without this until 21 February 2017"?
No, what we ask is that you remember Brian Peppers in your editing. Please summarize your edits on February 21, 2007 with how you're doing it "For Brian Peppers". Ask people in discussions around the Wikipedia about Brian Peppers Day. Change your userspace pages to recognize Brian Peppers day. You may use our logo above, if you choose, although that's likely to be deleted. So draw a little text Peppers Day logo, and use that.
It's a fact that events that happen in February happen in the same month as Brian Peppers Day. Perhaps you should mention that in articles. Perhaps you should note that a historic event occurred on what has come to be known as Brian Peppers Day.
Really, the Peppers is the Limit.
Brian Peppers Day comes but once in a blue moon, or a Jimbo Whim.
SEIZE THE DAY! TELL THE WIKITRUTH! LONG LIVE THE PEPPERS!
